How to Date an Ed
by AJB66613
Summary: Eddward is gay. And he is trying to come out of the closet. So he hires Kevin, the most popular male at their college, to pretend to be his boyfriend, so he won't get bullied. Will this charade work long enough for any potential harmful people to back off? Or will it backfire into oblivion?
1. Prologue

** Author's Note**

Hey-yo! So I was feeling nostalgic one day- don't we all- and this plotbunny hit me after watching an episode of Ed, Edd 'n' Eddy. And it wouldn't leave me, so I tried to get someone to adopt it from me, but nobody wanted it, so it was stuck on a backburner until it boiled over and literally PREVENTED me from writing the omake for a certain series of mine. So I thought, "Hey, why don't you get C ndy c1d to draw it for you?" I asked, and she talked me down into three scenes. Which came out so beautifully, that I literally pulled this out just from inspiration of those. I love them, Acid! They are on Tumblr and will be on Deviantart soon, so check them out! So here is my first KevEdd fic ever. Reviews would be appreciated!

Now, on with this thing! (And this will be a long story, so it isn't gonna end anytime soon, don't worry.)

How to Date an Ed

Prologue

It was late one Friday night, in a sleepy cul-de-sac, where one young man was the only one awake. He had finished his essay for Monday's class hours ago; at the moment he was taking care of a natural problem for any male. Staring at the screen on his computer, slightly ashamed of the content that is flashing across the screen, his latex-covered hand is wrapped around his condom-covered penis, which is hard and pulsing with need.

His hand flew over his length in time with the lustful thrusts as the porno on his desktop, a soft moan escaping his lips from time to time. Not that he was worried about someone hearing him; he's been alone for a very long time. A grunt makes its way past his pink lips as he nears his climax.

It's only then when his imagination decides to take over and replace him with the bottoming male on the screen; seeing himself being pounded mercilessly by the larger male whispering naughty things into his ear. With a gasp and an arch of his back, he fills the condom with his seed. Panting slightly, he groans at the sticky feling. He carefully peels off the condom and disposes of it in a wastebin that is labelled "filthy." He grabs a disenficting wipe from the tube beside his screen and cleans himself with it, and discards it in the same place as the condom.

He then tucks his wilted member back into his pants and zips them up. Once done, he peels off the latex glove and it too goes into the "filthy" trash can. He sighs as he gathers his materials- the box of condoms, the box of latex gloves and the tube of wipes- and places them in their correct spots. The dark haired male blushes slightly as the video ends. He exits out of the site and deletes his internet history and cookies. His blue eyes downcast, he turns away from the now shut down computer.

He can't fight it anymore. The evidence was right there. Sighing loudly. the young thin male gathers the items needed to take a shower and heads to the bathroom across the hall to his bedroom. After shutting the door, locking it, and placing the neccassary items in their correct positions, he peels off his v-neck red shirt, his skin tight dark purple jeans, matching red socks, matching purple boxer-briefs, and slowly turns to the mirror.

A slim young man stares back at him, pale skin looking luminescent in the artificial light. His torso wasn't ripped, but he wasn't pudgy either. It was... healthy. His shoulders were a little on the small side, but that was okay. He was slightly under the average height for a man his age should be.

His shoulders sloped up to an elegant neck, and his head wasn't overly large. His eyes- sky blue, and always glinting with curiosity, were almond shaped and were always shadowed- as if he had seen things that no one should ever have. His nose was a bit on the short and stubby side, but it complimented his high cheek bones and slightly weak chin. He wouldn't go as far as to say he was feminine, but he certainly wasn't the epitome of masculinity. He smiles at his reflection, the gap in his teeth showing. After adjusting his signature black beanie hat that had two white stripes down a side, he confidently says to the mirror.

"I am Eddward "Double- D" Marion Vincent. And I am a homosexual."

His reflection smiles happily back at him. A sudden weight is lifted off his shoulders. He is gay. He has been properly labelled. An exhale escapes him as his smile is slowly morphed into a frown. Oh dear. He must come out of the proverbial closet now, right? That's what all the documentaries about homosexuals have said. But they also said to take your time and do it whenever you were ready.

His frown grows deeper. But he knows as well that the longer you wait, the more miserable you become. His expression becomes worriesome; he _also_ remembers a chart about how bullies would immediately pounce until they were bored or the victim would either move away or kill themselves. Eddward grimaces. He doesn't want to move away, nor does he wish to die. He just has to make himself too boring- or too popular- for the bullies to notice or dare.

But in order to become popular, he would either have to conform -something he would rather avoid- or gain a shield. His eyes widen at the thought. A shield... A meat shield... no, a popular shield. A popular friend? No, not enough of a commitment. He sticks his blue tongue in between the gap in his teeth as he thinks. A popular... boyfriend? He snaps his thin fingers. "Eureka."

A popular boyfriend. Genius. But the only problem is finding an already openly gay- or bisexual- male who is already at the top of the social food chain, who he would be able to coerce, or if need be, bribe into being his fake boyfriend until the statistical alloted time runs out. Which, after thinking quickly, should be about a fortnight.

So who could he possibly ask? he ponders as he steps into the shower and turns the knobs to the proper pressure to blast comfortable hot water onto his shilled body. Ed and Eddy are obviously out of the running, much to his chagrin. While still his best friends, the Eds are still not anywhere near the popular status that Eddy so craves. Jimmy and Johnny were out of the question; one is still in high school, and the other one nobody would believe to be dating Double D. Rolf is a possibility, but he wonders if he would be able to make the son of a shepard even understand, let alone accept. He's not as pupolar as he used to be, either.

There _was_ Nathan Goldberg, a teal-haired man who had moved into the cul-de-sac, who was openly bisexual. And while higly accepted and popular, Edd feels as if Nathan would be a bit too... grabby. His mind screeches to a halt as he washes his body with the proper body scrub and his loofa. The only one left is Kevin. And we would refuse outright and probably punch him in the nose. He stops scrubbing his left shoulder when a small voice in his head asks, _"What happened to bribing? I actually do have something in exchange for his services that would be satisfactory to his preferences..."_

His mental inventory list immediately then shifts to a prize he had won sophomore yeear of high school. An extremely rare and mint condition 1928 Coventry Eagle 980cc Flying 8 that was sitting in his garage, covered in a white sheet. His eyes spark. He can at least try asking.

With a plan forming in his mind, the young genius finished washing, turned off the shower, dried himself with a towel, changed into comforatble pajamas, and went to bed, eager and nervous for the next morning.


	2. The Proposition, Part 1

**Author's Note**

Hello, readers! You can tell this fic is going to be a good one; I can't even wait for someone to review it before I continue~! Hope y'all enjoy!

**Author's Note**

How to Date an Ed

Ch. 1

The sun creeped into the sky slowly at 6:45 a.m., rousing the young genius from a light sleep. Normally on a Saturday, he would allow himself to sleep in until about eight or nine. But not today. Today he has to go and hire his childhood bully into being his escort. A sliver of fear creeps down his spine. Kevin will be the first person to know of his sexual preferences. And if his plan goes awry, the ginger jock could lord that knowledge over him as blackmail... at least, until he comes out to the whole neighborhood.

A sudden burst of determination fills him. Even if Kevin did that, he'd actually be doing him a favor. It would save him a plethora of time and energy. Nodding to himself, he rises from his bed, makes it, and heads to his closet. He frowns at his variety of clothing choices. Oh dear. The clothes themselves are neatly pressed and color coded, but the style of them is ranged from the socially labelled "nerdy" to the socially labelled "scene." He would prefer to label them "formal" and "casual" respectively.

He can't go in a "formal" outfit; that would look a little desperate. And while he is such, he doesn't want to show the young jock any weaknesses. But, if he goes in a "casual" outfit, he could very well be refused for not looking serious about the offer. After franting for about a minute, he decides to use a combination of both. He picks out a white collared button up tee shirt, and a pale yellow vest to go with it. Simple, colorful, and quite stylish in his opinion. He then chooses a pair of black skinny jeans with matching socks. Not too casual, but fitting for the season.

Smiling at his choices, he gingerly places them on the made bed and changes into them, placing the neatly folded pajamas into the laundry basket. He then grabs his homemade tablet, and heads down to the kitchen for a quick breakfast. Said breakfast consisted of dry toast, a small glass of vitamin d milk, and an orange. After disposing the orange skin and paper towel that housed said toast, he places the empty glass in the sink, rinses it, and places it into the empty dishwasher.

After double checking that he has pictures of the motorcycle that is taking residence in his garage, he heads to the front door and selects matching pale yellow high tops to wear. _"It's a good thing that matching colored clothing is the fashion this year, I suppose,"_ he thinks as he laces up the footwear. He makes sure he has the key to his house, and then the blue-eyed male opens the door and shuts it behind him, locking it.

Bleary green eyes peek open as the sound of a doorbell reaches tan ears. The man in a well used bed grumbles and rolls over, ignoring the sound. He almost succeeds in returning to dreamland when the annoying chime once again jerks him into conciousness. Growling and rubbing an eye, the young male shouts, "Alright, I'm coming already!"

Kevin tumbles from the bed, grabbing a basketball jersey-like tank top to yank over his head and cover his well toned torso. He scratches the back of his head, ruffling the short ginger locks covering it, and grabs a signature red cap. After placing it on his head backwards, he stumbles into the living area where the front door is. He mumbles under his breath, "Whoever is out there is going to get pounded..." as he opens the door.

There stood Double D. Kevin blinks in surprise. _"What the hell is one of the Eds doing here?"_ He glances at the clock on the television. 7:17 a.m. He grimaces at the clock and turns to the young man on his doorstep. "You got five seconds to explain why you are waking me up this early on a Saturday morning, Double Dork, before I pound ya into next year."

He sees the younger man fidget at that threat. "Greetings, Kevin. I do apologize for the earliness, especially on a treasured weekend, but this could not wait." The green-eyed male waited impatiently, and was about to lose his temper. "...Five... four... three..." He sees blue eyes widen in fear as the fidgeting gets even worse, until the slighter male blurts,

"I wish to hire you for some services!"

That was not the answer he expected. "What?" Double D looks down at his feet. "May I come in? I really do not wish to discuss this out in the open." Taken aback, Kevin takes a step back, allowing the younger man access to his living room and couch. After shutting the door, the ginger-haired man orders, "Sit down, don't touch anything. Erm..." He glares slightly at the fidgeting young genius, remembering that this one likes manners. "Wanna drink? Soda?"

The black haired boy jerks his head up, eyes wide as saucers in fear. "Oh, um, no thank you, Kevin." Kevin sits down in the recliner adjacent to the couch. "So, I'll cut to the chase, then. Hire me for what?" Blue eyes drift downward in dejection. "Actually, it sounds pretty silly now. But essentially, I need... well, first I suppose I should tell you why your services are required."

Patience already thin, Kevin growls, "Get on with it, dork." After a sharp intake of breath, Double D says to him, "Kevin, I'm gay." The red-head frowns at that. Does the young genius mean the slang term, or the actual scientific term? After looking the male up and down, he decides it's the former. The guy looks terrified right now, almost as if he's expecting a punch in the face.

But this is Double Dork. He's always been the quirky one of the Eds. Cleanest, too. Yeah, he can see the guy liking dudes. "Okay. And?" Kevin almost has to bite back a laugh at the younger male's expression; his eyes are as wide as can be, and his jaw is on the floor. "You... you're not, disgusted?! Angry? Sickened by the sight of me?" Kevin blinks, his green eyes never leaving blue ones. "No. Why? You're still Double Dork. Not my business whether or not you like cock."

Surprisingly enough, Double D smiles at him, and looks like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders. He isn't even being chastized for his language. "Language, Kevin." Okay, maybe spoke too soon. "And thank you." Biting back a yawn, he asks, "So, is that it?" The smile that was on Double D's face quickly is wiped off. "I'm afraid not. You knowing my... preferences in the bedroom are about to become your business."

Dread starts pooling in the sports player's gut. Oh no. Is Double Dork about to confess having a crush on him?! He doesn't think he could gently refuse. No, more like pound the poor guy's face in and kick him out, just on instinct. "I'm hiring you to be my shield." Dread is quickly replaced with confusion. "Huh?" The hell is the dork talking about?

Masking his face with one of patience, the blue eyed male explains. "It's quite simple, Kevin. I will be coming out to the college on Monday. And statistics show that homosexuals are bullied the absolute worst the first two weeks of their reveal. During that time, I require, shall we say, a body guard. But not just any body guard. Someone who is at the highest of the social food chain. Someone who would be able to handle themselves. Essesntially, you. But of course, you can't go around telling people, 'oh yeah, I'm guarding that gay guy.' Not only would nobody believe that, but that would cause me to become even more of a target than I already will be. You would have to be a bit more... intimate than that."

Kevin stares at him for a very long minute, trying to absorb the information and translating it. "...So, what you're sayin' is, you want me... to be your boyfriend?" Something heavy drops into the jock's stomach. "But, I'm not gay." Double D nods sadly, "That is the gist of it, I suppose. And I know. But you are the only one that fits the bill, I'm afraid." Kevin's mouth morphs into a thin line. "No way in hell."

"Not even for a very rare motorcycle?"

Kevin stops from rising to his feet as the young genius pulls out a worn looking tablet and shows off some pictures of a very pristine motorcycle. Green eyes widen at the sight. "This is a-" "A 1928 Coventry Eagle 980cc Flying 8! And it looks mint condish! Dude, where did you get that?!" He stares longingly at the picture. He would KILL for that bike. "I won it."

His mouth drops slightly agape. "Holy shit." He could worship the little dork right now. Hell, date, kiss, fuck. All that would be worth just touching that Eagle. "Language. And I would be more than happy to give it to you, in exchange for your services." Pretend to date the dork for two weeks, and he gets that beaut? What kind of idiot would say no?

"You got yourself a deal, dork."


	3. The Proposition, Part 2 & Day 1, Part 1

**Author's Note**

This story has been eating me alive! I can barely function at work because of it. So the updates will be slightly slower, since I can only work on them three days a week...

Reviews!

Fomalhaut: Thank you so much~! I like to keep the characters canon in personality. I'm so glad I can show you what I see. :3 Enjoy the chapter, First reviewer!

And now, on with the story!

**Author's Note**

How to Date an Ed

Ch. 2

Double D stares at the red head incredulously. "R-really? Splendid!" Smiling broadly, he aquires a pencil and a piece of paper from his pockets. It pays to come prepared. He starts writing. "I will be giving you my school schedule, my phone number, and- in case of emergency, mind you- my internet address. I highly suggest you memorize my schedule and save my phone number in your contacts." He finishes writing and stands up, handing the witten note to the more surly male.

"I will see you Monday morning then, Kevin?" And with a bright smile, the young genius heads for the exit. He hesitates at the door. "Also, next time someone rings your doorbell, I implore you, please do not answer in a dirty tank top and your underwear. So unsanitary..." And with that, he leaves.

After the door slams shut behind him, Double D races to his abode, scrambles for the keys, and almost literally throws himself inside, the door closing loudly behind him. "Oh dear, oh my..." Blushing a brilliant red, the blue-eyed man covers his face and involuntarily looks down towards his crotch. "He was so- _filthy_- and yet, that did not deterr from his attractiveness..." It was quite the pickle.

He had only seen Kevin in two ways, really. One was from afar, where he was docile and pleasant, and the other was up close and hostile. So, seeing him up close and basically civil was quite invigorating. Him being in his underwear didn't hinder that, either.

After the door slammed shut, the red head paled a few shades. Oh, shit. Did he really just agree to date the dork? Granted, it was the least annoying of the Eds, but still. Then again, it _was_ for a Coventry Eagle. He stares at the piece of paper in his hand. He starts heading back towards his bedroom to his phone. If he is going to pull this off, he's going to need to set some boundaries.

He sits on his bed, phone already retrieved from the nightstand and charger, laying in his hand. He unlocks the screen and adds the slighter male's phone number, hesitating on the naming. He shrugs and puts "Double D" in the space, and saves. Reluctantly, he then hits the call button.

After three rings, the phone picks up, though the guy sounds on edge. "G-greetings, Kevin! Something on- on your mind?!" He gives the phone a look. The hell? "Uh, yeah, just wanted to lay some ground rules about all this." Heavy breathing fills his ears for a couple of seconds. "Yes, of course... one moment, p-please." Some rustling of fabric and the phone moving through the air is all that the red headed man could hear. "Alright. Continue."

Not even bothering to figure out what the hell Double Dork could have been doing, he states, "Choice. First off, we don't do this in the neighborhood. School only." A sigh makes its way through his phone. "I can amend to that." He nods. "Cool. Next, I'm not gonna call you by any dork nickname, but I'm not gonna call you cutesy names either." He can almost hear the smile through the device. "I'd have been appalled if you did." Kevin smirks at the technology. "Awesome. And some questions." He hears a chair squeak. "Shoot."

"What kind of PDA are you expecting?" a gasp, then silence. "...Double D?" "Oh, dear... to be perfectly honest, Kevin, I have never dated anyone, male or female, so I don't know, and was simply going to leave it to you..." A tan, calloused hand slams into a cloth-covered forehead. "Right... well, if you want this to look legit, man, then hand holding, hugging, snuggling and all that other shit is involved. But I draw the line at kissing you outright. I can handle the cheek."

"That sounds fair... anything else?" Kevin swallows. "What happens if I drop out?" Silence. Then, "Well, you obviously wouldn't get the bike, but you would get a consolation prize: a new bicycle chain. I do believe I owe you one." The green-eyed athlete smirks softly. "Yeah, you do." He thinks for a second. "What would happen to the Eagle?" "Hm? Oh, I would probably take it apart." A sharp pain stabs through Kevin's heart. That precious, _rare_, beaut, torn to pieces? Over his dead body.

"Right. So, I'll see you later." "Til Monday, then." He ends the call, and frowns. Double D sounded... strange. Well, stranger than his usual dorky self. But he can't put his finger on it. Oh well.

Double D drops the phone and collapses in his chair. Kevin had some horrible timing. An erection had sprung from the young genius exactly two minutes and twelve seconds after returning. Twice in two days! His libido truthfully cannot take this kind of stamina. So, he immediately checked the time- eight thirty on the dot- and sped to his room, locking it. He then had frantically grabbed all his items to have a clean maturbation. Flinging himself into his desk chair, he scrabbled to get his pants undone and his member out.

He was about to place on the latex glove when Kevin had called. His erection wilted upon Kevin wanting to place boundaries. So he had fixed himself and agreed to the new conditions. After the call ends, he lets out a groan of frustration. It was going to be difficult, dating Kevin Barr.

Sunday came and went without much of a fuss, aside from the nostalgic scam from Eddy- this one had a roller coaster that ran throughout the entire neighborhood- so Kevin didn't find anything wrong when he woke up that morning. He stretched and slithered out of bed, scratching a part of his shoulder. He uses the bathroom, deciding to just do a quick swish of mouthwash instead of taking the time to brush his teeth.

He then heads back to his room and throws on black sport shorts and a light green tank top. The red head glances at the folded piece of paper lying innocently beside his phone and he sighs. He supposes he should at least take the dork to school. He frowns slightly. Come to think of it, he has no idea how the dork gets to school and back, let alone if he even has a job.

But he shrugs as he places his hat on his head, wraps a dark green hoodie around his waist (English always sucks, since the air conditioner is always busted,) grabs his backpack, wallet, and car keys. Kevin closes his bedroom door, and, after choosing to skip breakfast, leaves.

He heads across the street discreetly, making sure that none of the other "kids" in the neighborhood see him, and makes it to his, ahem, "boyfriend's" house. He stares at it for a couple of seconds. If he didn't know any better, he would say that this place was recently built. Not a piece of dust on it. The white paint on the trim still looks pristine. It was kinda disturbing.

The green-eyed male checked both ways before he rang the white doorbell. And... nothing happened. He glares at the brilliant white door and rings the bell again. Still nothing. Growling in frustration, he pulls out his phone and calls the dork.

"Hello?"

"Where the hell are ya?!"

"Kevin?" He grunts an affirmative as he glares at the silent home. "Answer the question, dork." A huff answers him, "Well, if you must know, since we have an agreement, I am already almost to class." The athlete grits his teeth at the tone the slighter male uses. But Kevin thinks for a minute. "Double D. How did you get there?" A pause at the other end. And the voice on the other end has lost his haughty tone, replaced with a confused one.

"Why, I walked. Just like every other day." Kevin's eyes nearly fall out of their sockets as his body immediately pivots back to his house and car. "Are you out of your mind?!" The elementary school was the only place that was within walking distance. The middle school was miles down, and the high school even farther. The _college_ they both attend was practically in another city.

"Where exactly are ya? I'm comin' to get ya," he tells his... partner as he hurdles himself into his front seat of his '98 Mustang and starts it. "What?! W-why?!" He growls at the flustered male on the other line as he peels out of the driveway. "Because that's what couples do! They drive each other around!"

This was only half true. After a night of chewing on it, Kevin had decided that since he was gonna "date" the dork, he was going to do it properly. And that meant the dork was his, temporarily. And short term or not, Kevin always took care of his shit. "O-oh. I'm terribly sorry, Kevin. I had no clue. My apologies." The red-head exhales harshly. "Just tell me where you are."

"I'm at the park before the school campus."

"Choice. Find a bench and park it. I'll be there in ten minutes."

"Very well. See you in a little bit, then."

Kevin ends the call, a small weight dropping in his midsection. And the foremost thing in his mind is:

why is he worried about the dork?


	4. Day 1, Part 2

**Author's Note**

Yay~! I'm just blazing through this story! I was gonna try and keep it on a timely schedule, you know, like, one chapter equalled a day in their time, but I just couldn't. So, aren't you lucky?

Reviews are yummy!

Fomalhaut: I'm happy you are liking the solidity of the chapters. And Kevin may be a jock, but he ain't stupid. Of course he's going to get the hang of it~ ;)

yess91: I'm excited that you're excited! And we will both see how this develops~!

On with the chapter!

**Author's Note**

How to Date an Ed

Ch. 3

Double D sat down on the nearest bench, biting his lip about the unsanitary, rotting wood he was resting upon. If Kevin said sit, he was not going to anger the physically stronger male and defy him. He glances up at the clear sky, enjoying the crispness of the morning. _"Day 1 isn't starting off too terribly. Surprising."_ A warm fuzzy feeling settles in his chest. Kevin sounded worried about him. A small smile makes its way to the young man's face.

Which immediately disappears upon glancing to his right. A little ways away from him is some students from his college. They were on the football team. Varsity, if he remembers correctly, since they threw him into the cafeteria trash last semester. There were three of them. All tall and beefy. The only real difference was how many times their noses have been broken during practice. Anders, Tucker, and Goodman, if memory serves.

Unfortunately, they saw him sitting innocently on the rotting bench. Cold sweat beads down his neck as they approach, avoiding eye contact. His body starts to shiver when they reach hitting distance. "Hey, look what it is, Tuck," Goodman snickers.

"G-good morning, gentlemen. Fine day we're h-having..." the young genius mumbles politely. Anders sneers at him, "Why are you on our turf, nerd? Come to admit your love to us?" The three laugh as the blue-eyed man chuckles weakly. "Aha, g-good one, sir." Whilst looking down at his shoes, listening to the behemoths laugh at him, something possesses him to stand.

"What is it, fag? Want a kissy?" He looks at Tucker straight in the face, determination thinning his mouth into a thin line. "Pardon me, but I would not even fathom placing any part of my person on you. Regardless of my sexual preference." All three athletes stiffen at the words. "Did you just say, what I think you just said, nerd?" Goodman asks. Double D raises an eyebrow under his hat.

"That, yes, I am in fact gay, and that yes, you are ugly? Correct; give the man a prize."

"Why you little shi-" Before any of them could start swinging their arms, a fist hits Goodman in the face. Eyes widening, Double D watches in amazement as Kevin stands from his power punch. "Beat it, boys." The two men, that weren't injured, back away slowly. "Yo, Kev, sorry man. Didn't know he was your friend." The red head ticks his head slightly. "He ain't my friend." The jocks blink at him in confusion. "He's my boyfriend. So back off."

The three bullies' jaws drop simultaneously. Kevin turns to him, eyes shining in anger. "Didn't I tell you to park it?" Double D looks down. "I'm sorry, Kevin." A gasp escapes him as he feels a solid- _warm_- arm wrap around his waist. "It's fine. Come on, you're gonna be late." The young genius allows himself to be herded to a car, fighting a blush. He actually kinda liked Kevin's arm around him.

Kevin starts the car after he makes sure the young genius is buckled, and takes off. He is furious. At, who or what, he's honestly not sure. But seeing Double Dork glare at those punks and almost witnessing them hit him boiled his blood. Maybe it's because he knows the dork; maybe it's because for as long as he's known them, he's been the only one to pick on them; maybe it's because the dork is his for the moment. He doesn't know. But as long as the sockhead and him are in this agreement, nobody will lay a finger on him.

He turns into the parking lot before a sound is made. "Thank you." He parks and glances at the young man. He sees genuine gratitude shining in those eyes, a small smile playing on those lips. His heart thumps in his chest harshly. The hell? "No problem, Double D." They get out of the car, him locking it after them. He sees the younger male fidget. He sighs.

"What?" The dork's head jerks up and blushes. "Oh, well, um, y-you said that normal couples, um... well, they... oh, dear..." Kevin studies Double D's fidgeting hands. They keep interlacing, almost like they were- oh. Now he gets it. With a grunt, he takes one of the black-haired male's hands and leads him to the only building they share: science.

Kevin was honestly in a pickle. He doesn't remember at all where the dork's class is. And he can't stop leading, either. That would look kinda bad. But he's never lead in the whole hand-holding-in-hallway gig; it was always the girl's job. He is so screwed.

Whilst walking and hearing the buzz of gossip spread like wildfire, Kevin, trying to take his mind off of not knowing where he is going, can't help but think how small and fragile his "boyfriend's" hands were.

_They're so soft as well..._

So into the feel of Double D's hand, he didn't notice when they miraculously arrived at their correct destination. He's just staring at their interlaced fingers, his thumb gently rubbing a circle over the top of the other's knuckle. Somehow, the world, the school, the people around them- vanished. All that existed right now was him and Double D, and how soft and right his hand felt in his own. And that thought scares him to death.

Double D wonders what is going through Kevin's head at the moment, because the softest look he has ever seen passes over the ginger's visage, and seemingly, at him. But just as quickly, it vanishes, a blank slate blocking the emotions inside. Frowning slightly at what that could have been about, he releases Kevin's hand, mentally taking note of the other's grip.

_It's so firm and reliable..._

The black-haired male smiles shyly up at the red-head. "Thank you for walking me to class, Kevin." The slightly taller male blinks and gently smirks. "No problem. I'll see you after for lunch, alright?" Double D blinks in slight surprise. "Alright. Do you wish to meet at the Eatery?" Kevin shakes his head. "Nah, I'll meet you here. Don't wanna look like a bad boyfriend, right?" The blue-eyed genius' smile grows bigger. "Very well, then."

Suddenly, warm, sturdy arms encircle his midsection. Instinctively, he clutches the green cloth in front of his face. He feels warm breath ghost down past his ear. "See you later," Kevin murmurs into said ear. A blush creeps onto Double D's face, heart beating wildly against his ribs, as he mumbles into the athlete's chest, "Y-yes, you as well."

And with that, the embrace is gone, and Kevin is already halfway down the hallway.


	5. Chapter 4

** Author's Note**

Yay! This story is just cruising along! Hopefully I won't rush to the end, hehe...

Review time~!

Fomalhaut: Just wait, it's gonna get even sweeter! He is in so over his head, he has no idea how much! :D

yess91: I think this is cute, too~! Which is why I am going to prolonge it as long as I possibly can.

Yunnora Lovespell: Yay! More cute! Well, I can see Double D having little to no love life- Kankers don't count- and Kevin being a little player at the middle of high school onward. Double D simply doesn't know how to react, and Kevin REALLY wants that bike...

Laughing Jay: It took hard work to keep their personalities in canon, let me tell you. Lots of rewatching episodes with a six year old...

I'm Helena-Not The Song: HEEEERREE! :D

And now to our romance~

**Author's Note**

How to Date an Ed

Ch. 4

Double D could barely concentrate in Myrmecology; for some reason, learning what organs were inside an army ant and their functions were found boring. And this went on for an hour and a half. He barely retained usable notes, and even doodled in the corners! The horror! The disrespect! He almost even forgot to turn in the essay he had done last Friday! What was wrong with him?!

He sighs as the class is finally over, placing his notebook and pencil back into his neatly organized backpack. He stands up and goes to the teacher. He supposes he must apologize for his horrid behavior in class. It's the least he could do.

Ms. Heroche was quite an entertaining teacher. Only a decade older than him, she was easily the science department's favorite. Brown hair always up in a soft bun, red, square glasses, and an hourglass figure that was always in flowing garments, it was no wonder why she was the male favorite. She was quite attractive physically, but it turns out her humor and intelligence were what attracted the females to her. Quite easy to talk to and made anything sound interesting, Double D felt quite remorseful in his lack of attention.

"Ms. Heroche?" She turns to him. "Yes, Edd? Did you wish to discuss something I missed?" He shakes his head, blushing in embarrassment. "I-erm, I must apologize, actually." She raises a perfectly groomed and arched eyebrow at him. "About your lack of attention in class today?" His eyes widen as he flinches. "Y-yes, I am terribly sorry for that. I honestly don't know where my head was at..."

And to his surprise, she laughs. "It's no trouble, Edd. I was once young, too. It can be hard for someone to openly date someone on their first day out of the closet." His jaw drops to the floor in shock. "H-how?!" She pats him on his hat-covered head. "Gay-dar." He gives her a look.

"...Pardon my disrespect, Ms. Heroche, but you know I do not believe in such nonsense as that." She rolls her eyes at him. "Fine, instinct, then. That, and rumors travel fast in a small college such as this." He blushes slightly. Of course. The one thing he was actually counting on to avoid having to talk to people about his... orientation.

"...Edd, you know if you have any problems, you can come talk to me, alright?" He looks up at her moss green eyes, slightly obscured by her glasses, and nods. She grins. "Good! Now skedadle. You need food." Smiling softly, he leaves. And runs headfirst into Kevin's chest.

"Oof!" Strong arms wrap around him to stop the blue-eyed genius from falling to the hard tile. "Geez, Double D. Didn't think you were a klutz." Cerulean eyes looked into forest green in surprise. "O-oh, I'm so sorry, Kevin. I didn't see you there." His hand is taken into a slightly larger, warmer, firmer one as Kevin smirks lightly down at him. "It's alright. Kinda cute."

Kevin watches his boyfriend's face go red at his comment. He doesn't know why he said that, but he is enjoying the results. The red-head chuckles as the little nerd sputters out something that sounded something like, "I'm not cute!" The smirk on his face growing into a grin, he just leads his boyfriend to the building that housed the Eatery. This was being more fun than he thought.

Their college was a community college, which kinda made him wonder why the genius of the cul-de-sac was at such a lowly place. They guy should be at Harvard. Or Yale. Some big name joint. He knows why _he_ is here. He'll ask in a minute, he supposes, as they make their way to the entrance of the Eatery. The Eatery consisted of a whole section for class scheduling, a large room for a set amount of people to eat and hang out in, a small school supply/book store, and a Taco Bell built into a corner.

He opens the door and enters. His shoulders stiffen. Most of his friends are there, eating and hanging out in the corner nearest the fast food restaurant. His grip tightens on the hand in it. A small gasp escapes the slighter male as he lets go of the hand- though he didn't really want to- and wraps his arm around his boyfriend's waist. He forces his feet to head in their direction.

Silence greets the two as they move their way to his usual table. He feels their eyes boring into the back of his head, cold sweat dripping down the back of his neck. A gentle hand rests on his bicep and the athlete glances down. Two identical pools of understanding gaze back up at him. And just like that, his fear of being rejected by his peers is gone, replaced by relief that someone would be there, even if it was just Double Dork.

Kevin sits in the hard plastic chair, tossing his backpack into a chair nearby as his boyfriend places his on the circular table, opening it to retrieve a lunch box. The once-bully then waits until the genius is ready to sit, then he grabs him by the waist and makes him sit on his lap, like he would his usual girlfriends. What he didn't expect was a thwack to the shoulder and the blue-eyed male removing himself.

"Kevin! Please restrain yourself!" He blinks at the flustered male who finally seats himself beside him, opening the lunch box of healthy food. The hell did he do wrong? The dork glances at him and sighs. "I will not be like your usual game, Kevin. If you want me someplace, you must ask, and respect my decision, even if it isn't the one you wished." The red-head nods in understanding. Ah. Ask before touching. Gotcha.

"Sorry, man. Habit." He reaches into his backpack for his wallet. He didn't have time to get something for lunch, since he skipped breakfast, so he was gonna grab some Taco Bell. He gets up. "Gonna grab some Taco Bell. You wanna come with?" he asks, glancing around the whispering mass. Double D smiles up at him. "Fear not, I will be fine for a few minutes."

Kevin nods and, hesitantly, presses his lips against the cloth-covered head of his boyfriend's. Again, he doesn't really know why he did it, it just felt like he needed to do it. And it kinda felt nice. He just chalks it up to another thing about Double D. No wonder Eddy and Ed kept him around.

He turns away from the blushing man, and heads to the Tex-Mex restaurant. He ignores the eyes that follow him. But as he reaches the end of the large room, his curiosity peaks. How did the dork realize his attraction to men? All he's ever seen Double D do (aside from being chased by the kids of the cul-de-sac for a failed scam and running from the Kankers,) was create incredible things out of someone's trash and cardboard, or cleaning up Eddy's mess. And since the slimmer male was a genius, he can only imagine his spare time- if he had any- was kept busy with homework assignments and him doing science-y stuff.

So deep in his thoughts, the red-head doesn't notice the swarm that descends upon his little dork.


	6. Chapter 5

**Author's Note**

Happy Birthday to me! Sorry it has taken a bit for this next chapter. Been celebrating, having lots of tequila, vodka, and I think it was rum, but I can't remember. Anyway, reviews!

Fomalhaut: I honestly don't like how people just jump to the lemon, either, but some fanfics call for it. Others... I would rather some character development and interaction first. But, yay! Glad you liked the last chapter!

yess91: Suspense? Hold on tight, then!

Yunnora Lovespell: I am a big Taco Bell fan, I apologize. :D Sweet and fluffy is always the way to go~!

Wonka's Mistake44: Generally, I too do not delve into the EEnE fandom, but when nostalgia hits, you must indulge. And when your twisted mind whispers, "ruin your childhood," you must! And then it turned out that I actually see KevEdd being quite possible. The soul-pitted angst that people usually write into these fics are generally using already angsty-filled characters. You are welcome. :3

bebe292: I didn't realize the chapters were so short. I will try to lengthen them in the future. :3

canamochi: hahahaha, yeah I kinda update when nobody's looking...

Morgan: Accurate? Die?! Oh, nonononono, please don't die! My fic really isn't worth it!

sekanikahn (for ch. 2): Of course it came true. Acid's work does that. That and noone would take this sucker off my hands (I got like, a bajillion plotbunnies for ninja turtles that need good homes, I really didn't need a KevEdd.) But I got it so...

sekanikahn: Yeah, Double D doesn't do that whole "I'm just eye candy" schtick.

And here we go!

**Author's Note**

How to Date an Ed

Ch. 5

Sapphire Eyes widen at the sudden crowd that swarmed around Double D's seat. Three women have somehow crammed themselves onto Kevin's seat, two men have slammed their hands onto the table and are leaning over it, and Nathan Goldberg has occupied the seat next to the sockhead with a knowing smirk on his face. And that's all the young genius can make out amongst the masses.

Voices were chaotic and loud, overlapping each other in trying to be heard, causing Edd's ears to ring annoyingly. Patience slipping, he fumbles around in his back and pulls out a megaphone and noise cancelling headphones. He places the headphones on his head and turns on the amplifier. He watches as the crowd flinches simultaneously, covering their ears over the screech he knows the megaphone has created. He turns off the device and yanks the headphones down.

"Attention, please. One at a time. And as manners state, ladies first." He gestures towards the three generic cheerleaders. They ask in sync, "Is it true?!" He slowly blinks at them. "Clarification?" The females slowly blink at him. He sighs irritably. "Is what true?" The girls suddenly launch into conversation, "That you and Kevin had a one night stand some months ago, and you used some of his DNA to create a test tube baby and are using it as a bargaining chip to stake claim on him if he ever wants to see his child!"

The pale man's mouth drops slightly in shock. Which widens into a smile. Then a laugh escapes. And grows into guffaws. He falls to the floor, tears gathering in his eyes. He bangs a fist onto the tile, the other holding his ribs. His body shakes from the onslaught, he has never heard of something so preposterous!

"Aha, hehehe, that... is ahahaha, ridiculous! Gahahahaha!" he rolls onto his back, barely even registering the millions and millions of germs that have converged onto the tile floor. His laughter dies down slowly, as he gingerly raises himself, his hands instictively heading for the hand sanitizer in his bag. After applying a copius amount to every available piece of skin, he turns towards the girls. "Ahem, I apologize for such rude behavior, but that is not the case. Yes, Kevin and I are dating, but no, I did not blackmail him with some, ahehehehe, 'test tube baby,' as you put it. I simply asked."

While the girls either start pouting or making "aw" expressions at him, the men at the table weren't so easily swayed. "So, what you asked Kev and he said yes? To a nerdy faggot?" one of the larger males asks in disbelief. Ice blue eyes look into grey ones despondedly. "Yes, he did. I gave him the option of 'date me' or 'not date me.' He chose to say yes. I did not make him. And this 'nerdy faggot,' as you so put it, might be your boss one day. Or your killer. Honestly, my emotion range could very well turn me into a phsychotic killer, and nobody would know. So I would suggest you hold your tongue, sir. Lest you wish to end up under a hydrangea bush."

Silence eminates from the table. Some of the males back off in surprise, and slight fear. Others close in, small glints in their eyes, Nathan included. "So then, Double D, have you and Kev done the do?" The remaining men, as well as the women, lean in. Edd feels a blush bloom on his face. "Heavens, no! Er, not that I wouldn't like to, seeing as I am dating him after all, but then again, we just started dating and I believe that, erm, slow is the way to go, and, er, I wouldn't want to pressure him into anything he wasn't comfortable with, and I, ugh..."

He grabs the end of his hat and pulls it over his bright red face. Him and Kevin?! Doing sexual intercourse?! Oh, it would be vile, disgusting, FILTHY even~! Kevin would probably have him against the wall- the germs! Their clothes would be discarded on the stairs! Their saliva would intermingle in places that probably should never~! Urgh, WHY is the thought turning him on?!

"Knock it off, you guys. Making him blush is my thing." Double D peeks up from under his hat to see Kevin with a bag of fast food in hand. The crowd then descends on him, but he bats them off without blinking an eye. The redhead sits beside his boyfriend and pulls out some food. The man looks up at the crowd still lingering around their table. "I said get lost!" Edd blinks at the green-eyed male beside him as the mob of people dissipate in awe. "I must know how you do that." Forest green meets ocean blue. Kevin shrugs. "I just show that they can't push me around." Small shoulders slump at the simple answer as the pale male watches his boyfriend eats his burrito.

"...You know, if you want a bite, you can just ask. You don't have to stare at me." A blush dusts pale cheeks in embarassment. "No, thank you. I just simply wonder at you." The slightly larger male looks at him. "About what?" Eddward glances down at the messy meal. "Well, how you can eat that, for one." Kevin looks down at his food. "What, you've never had a burrito before?" Double D scoffs. "Of course I have had one. I simply like them homemade." The athlete looks at him critically. The slighter male's heart starts skipping. Why is Kevin studying him? "...You've never had Taco Bell." Blue eyes blink in surprise." Um, that's correct. To be perfectly honest, I haven't had any fast food products, aside from jawbreakers."

Kevin drops his burrito. Did he just hear that? The dork has never gone to McDonald's or Burger King or Arby's or anything?! He stares at his boyfriend in awe and slight pity. He knew the genius' parents were control freaks, but this? "Well, I know how we can entertain ourselves for the next two weeks." Blue eyes look at him expectingly. "Oh really? Let me guess: you will take me to a fast food restaurant and have me try it?" Green eyes blink in surprise. Was he that obvious? "Uh, well, yeah." A snort escapes the younger male. "It's a choice. I CHOSE not to have those fattening foods. Why would I suddenly decide to try them now? Because I'm dating you?" A stab of annoyance hits Kevin. "Oh, right, you're too high and mighty for such lowly food." A guilty look flashes onto his boyfriend's face. "...I apologize. I shouldn't judge something I myself haven't tried, right? Of course, statistics show-"

At this point, Kevin picks up the remainder of his burrito and shoves it into his temprary boyfriend's mouth. He smirks as those blue eyes widen in surprise and that surprisingly soft looking mouth bites down on the Tex-Mex food. He sees the nerd slowly chew, a look of bliss on his face. He feels his heart skip a beat as he swallows thickly. Does his Dork _have_ to look like that when he's eating? It almost makes him look attractive. After his little nerd swallows and licks his lips clean of red sauce- why to they look so plump?- he turns to him with awe and wander in his eyes.

"Kevin?"

"Yeah?"

"What was that delicious combination you haphazardly stuffed into my orafice?"

"If you're asking what you just ate, that was a Taco Bell burrito. I like mine with no onions, and extra cheese and red sauce. And by the look on your face, I'd say you liked it."

"...Perhaps I could be persuaded to try other fast food. Only by your recommendation, of course."

Kevin smirks. "Of course. Tomorrow we can get you the true Taco Bell experience. Today you have your homemade lunch. Wednesday we can hit the Wendy's across the street, and so on. Cool?" A small smile escapes those soft lips- why do they look soft?!

"Quite."

They quickly finish their lunches (Double D's was a cucumber sandwich with a wedge of cheese and an apple,) and Kevin took his hand and lead him towards the building he vaguely remembers as being the dork's next class. While his little boyfriend has history, he on the other hand has math, which is in another building, but at least they will be done for the day. Surprisingly, he is enjoying the smaller male's company. They haven't talked much, not having any idea what subjects they'd both enjoy, but the silence has never been awkward. And whenever Kevin does talk to him, it's mainly to tease the young genius and make the man blush. The athlete can't help it; it's so funny!

_And cute,_ a small voice in his head supplies. He frowns and shakes his head slightly, concentrating on the equation on the whiteboard. He can barely make heads or tails of it, but it's gotta be solved by Thursday (and no cheating, but honestly, he doesn't even know what formula you need to solve the damn thing,) so maybe he can ask his dorky boyfriend for help. He grimaces. Though that would mean breaking his first rule: not being seen in the cul-de-sac together.

Personally, he could give a rat's left nut what the other kids would think- except Nazz, Rolf and Eddy. Eddy only because he would rather avoid a confrontation. And dating the brains of the Eds would _definately_ cause for dealing with the shortest. He doesn't want Nazz to know, 'cuz he was actually wanting to try dating her again after she came back from some university in California. And Rolf... well, he doesn't know how the foreigner would react. And if it was violent... yeah. He'd rather not.

Sighing in resignition, he gives up on the equation for now and packs up. He gives a nod to his teacher upon leaving the classroom, heading back towards Double Dork's class. He is stopped by an irritated Nathan. Kevin raises an eyebrow at the teal-colored male. "Sup, man?"

"What the hell, dude?! You reject my sexy ass and advances for years- years, man! And when I accept myself in being in the friend zone, and move on to cuter prey, you swoop in and snatch it from me?!" Kevin gives him an irritated glare.

"The hell you talking about?"

"Double Delicious! You told me you don't swing that way, yet HERE WE ARE, you tapping that sweet ass! Before the Ass King! How dare you, sirrah!"

"You're getting to that weird place again, dude." Kevin looks around to see if anyone could possibly be eavesdropping. "...look, dude, it's not what you think. I'm just... trying it on. If by the end of two weeks and we haven't done anything other than kiss, he's all yours." Kevin kind of feels bad lying to Nathan, but he doesn't feel that telling the bi-sexual hornball that he's essentially a paid escort wouldn't go so smoothly. Nat gives him a dubious look. "...You're peeking over the fence? And all out of the blue? Dude, I ain't buying it." Kevin just shrugs. "He came out to me and asked me out. Call it shock or whatever, but I said sure. And so, oppurtunity showed up. Gonna try it out. Two weeks, dude." The lean male sighs.

"Fine. Just, don't break his heart, alright? Kid looks so fragile."

"Choice. But know this, man." Kevin leans in threateningly. "Until the break off, the Dork's mine. Do. Not. Touch." A smirk appears on the teal-head's face.

"Sure. But you'll regret that."


	7. Chapter 6

**Author's Note**

Whew! Busy busy busy! Had to catch up on a lot of fandoms, plus juggle school and work. Plus my social life (whilst normally nonexistent,) is trying to raise its head. And I have no idea on what to do about it. Oh well. Review time!

Missdellusion: So do I! :D Yeah, I kinda see Kevin as that one only child who is possessive of his shit.

Missdellusion (for ch. 1): Escort was the only thing that came to mind... and it turns out you can hire an escort and not do the do with them.

Missdellusion (for ch. 2): Yes, it does... :3

Missdellusion (for ch. 3): Well, explanation as to why Double D walks everywhere will be explained later, but for this, he knows it's healthier. That, and he got up and left about three hours prior to when Kevin woke up. Yay on Kevin being cute~!

Missdellusion (for ch. 4): I'm excited that you're excited!

Missdellusion (for ch. 5): You must read to find out! And, yeah, had to throw in the teacher. Took FOREVER to think up a name...

Yunnora Lovespell: I can't have a KevEdd without the King of Butts! I'm glad you are enjoying my writing style, I myself think it's crap. :D Yay Taco Bell!

kwiluvu: Glad you like it, though the "Double Delicious" came to me from someone else's fanfic. Unfortunately I've read so many, I can't remember which one to credit... -_-;

Fomalhaut: I love their interactions as well, though keeping them basically canon is a nightmare... I plan on getting pretty freaking deep, but slow build up, slow build up... bores me to tears...

yess91: I know, it kills me too. But I must have natural progression! Elsewise, why do I bother reading romance novels?

Guest: Keep on reading! :D

And now let's try and finish day one, ne?

**Author's note**

How to Date an Ed

Ch. 6

Kevin leans against the wall outside the door of his boyfriend's class, glowering at the floor. He can't get Nat's threatening sentence out of his head. How is he going to regret cock-blocking the self-proclaimed King of Butts? He's not sure, but he's got a bad feeling about it. The red-headed male chews on his thumbnail while he waits.

How is he going to solve that damn math equation? Even a slight mishap could cost him his whole semester. And like Hell he paid $1500 for a wasted semester. He had to sell his baby, his 1990 Harley, to get into this stupid school. No way in hell is that going to be tossed down the drain by some stupid math. The athlete sighs. He's got no choice. He has to ask Double Dork for help on his homework, Eddy or no.

He jerks back into the land of the living when the classroom door opens, signalling the end of the class. Finally. He waits impatiently, glancing around the nerds and geeks, trying to spot his sockheaded boyfriend. The larger male spots it, bouncing around the combed and gelled hair of the others surrounding it. Happily surprised blue eyes meet his and suddenly, all his paranoia and annoyance just melts away, leaving him slightly bemused. Does Double D have this effect on everybody?

"Salutations, Kevin! How was your math class?"

He gently smirks down at the younger male, arm wrapping itself around his boyfriend's waist.

"Eh, no big deal. C'mon, I'll take you home."

A gap-toothed smile is his reward. Warmth spreads through him at the sight of it. The Hell?

"Thank you, Kevin. I am ready to go whenever you are."

"...Choice."

Tucking the nerd under his arm, the athlete makes his way to his car, surprised that his fake boyfriend fits so comfortably at his side. His previous thoughts return to him like a bolt of lightning. The tanner male guides the slimmer man to his Mustang, unlocks it, and opens the door for him, making eye contact with every person out in the parking lot. He mentally screams at them, "Mine!" as he shuts the car door and hurdles himself into the driving seat. The machine roars to life and the pair head back to their sleepy little neighborhood.

The silence in the car is comfortable, but as much as Kevin wishes he didn't have to break it, his curiosity is getting the better of him.

"So, how did you... you know... figure out you liked guys?"

Double D turns to him in surprise. Why would Kevin care? Or want to know? His lips part slightly in thought. A small voice in his head hopes that Kevin asking means that the jock might be feeling something towards him, but is immeadiately squished. The logical side of his brain tells him that the athlete is more than likely confused about his own sexuality, and is using him as a possible reference. Accepting that hypothesis as fact, the black-haired male lightly licks his lips before speaking.

"Actually, Kevin, I do believe it started back when you were blackmailing Eddy about his middle name."

The car swerves dangerously in between lanes. The redhead stares at him wide-eyed once they return to the correct lane- and after Double D stopped having a heart attack.

"Seriously, man? Back then? ...When Eddy kissed you?"

The young genius nods, then shakes his head.

"But not in the way that you think. Yes, Eddy kissed me, and yes, I freaked out. But it was more because of the germs and the fact that the person who kissed me was Eddy, not the fact that the person was male or female. I honestly hadn't thought about it until we hit middle school."

Kevin raises an eyebrow at him. The blue-eyed man resists the urge to roll said eyes.

"What happened in middle school?"

Double D blinks at him.

"Why, we were accepted. To a point. We weren't bullied as much, and we had friends that weren't just the Eds. And... Jimmy."

The athlete looks at him in confusion.

"Jimmy?!"

The brains of the Eds nods sagely.

"Precisely. Everyone assumed he was going to become either homosexual or metrosexual, myself included, I'm afraid. So, I had decided to dig up some research and graphs to help educate and prepare the poor fellow... it turned out that a drawing of two men kissing had gotten me... well... a little hot and bothered, to be brief."

"...huh."

A blush creeps up onto pale cheeks as the slimmer man turns to look out the window, to hide his embarrassment, even though his rambling could not be stopped.

"I've been denying it for years, thinking Eddy would leave me, or confusing poor Ed, and simply not believing it... as if I wasn't enough of an outcast, you know?"

Edd glances at the jock, seeing the stony expression. He turns away again, his thoughts becoming a bit too macabre for a Monday.

"No, of course you don't."

The next ten minutes seemed to take forever, but finally the genius couldn't take it anymore.

"...Kevin, may I ask you a personal question?"

A grunt of acknowledgement is all he recieves. He cringes, fear clenching into his spine; did he make the man mad? He hopes not, else wise this was going to be a very long two weeks. Pulling some determination he usually reserves for his best friend's ranting, he asks.

"Why are you here?"

"...Uh, 'cuz I want the Eagle."

Edd mentally slaps himself.

"Er, no, I mean... Frutare University. If memory serves correctly, you had recieved a full ride scholarship at... Notre Dame, I believe?"

And just like that, the depressing atmosphere transforms into a whirwind of tension.

"Oh. That. I did. Went there for a full semester. But, first game of the season, first play, and my offense collapses. I get sacked. Tackled by two big guys. One of them shatters my hip."

A small gasp escapes the genius. His hip was shattered? On his debut? That's a career-ender.

"Kevin..."

"Insurance got it replaced. But by the time I had gotten better and ready to go, the team had replaced me, the school allowed me to finish the semester. But if I wanted to stay, I had to pay my own way, or prove that I could still play."

Edd tilts his head slightly.

"So then, why didn't you prove to them that you were fully healed?"

Tan hands grip the steering wheel tightly. Ice blue eyes widen.

"You weren't fully healed. You still aren't. Correct?"

A quick jerk of the head is his answer. He gasps in horror.

"But Kevin! You- you- y-you suckerpunched Anders this morning! Like it was nothing! How are you still healing?"

Kevin looks at the spazzing dork sitting next to him. It was actually kind of cute, seeing the guy all flustered. The tension in the car dissipitates.

"Ah, well, didn't find out til too late, but the guy who attached my leg to the fake hip? Yeah, he didn't screw it in right. So if ya look closely when I walk, I got this limp."

The redhead bites back a snicker at the expression on the dork's face. He can't tell if it's mortification, or fury. Possibly a bit of both. But hell, it's hilariously adorable. He smirks.

"So, here I am, doing my backup plan."

Those big blues look at him curiously. How does a man his age look so... so... cute?!

"Your backup plan? May I ask what that pretails?"

He shrugs at the shorter male.

"Eh, sure, why not? I plan on being a mechanic. Anything with an engine, I want to be able to fix it. Mostly cars, though."

A small smile sits on the pale face of his companion, his expression quite... soft.

"Well, Kevin, I truly am sorry about your hip, but... I am proud that you are here."

He feels heat rush to his face again. Noone's ever been proud of him for losing his scholarship... Hell, HE ain't proud of it. But having the local genius be proud of him sparks something inside him. A small bit of kindredship? Maybe, he doesn't really want to delve into it right now, so he changes the subject.

"What about you? I thought you'd be a professor at an Ivy League college by now. What are ya doing at the local community?"

Those blue eyes widen even farther. How wide can they get, he wonders.

"...That is quite a long-and painful- story. Perhaps I could tell you tomorrow, since we are only minutes away from the cul-de-sac?"

Kevin thinks. Well, better now than never.

"...Only on some conditions. Alright, I'm knocking out my first rule of not being seen together at home. So- in exchange- tonight you come over and help me with my math. Tomorrow, I come over and I judge your cooking skills."

A thin black eyebrow is raised haughtily.

"Very well. Anything you are allergic to?"

The athlete shakes his head.

"Not that I'm aware of."

"Excellent."

Kevin pulls into his boyfriend's driveway, watching the slighter male exit the car. He cocks his head to the side slightly. Is it just him, or does the dork have a great ass? He shakes his head to the side as he tells the dork to head over around six thirty. The sockhead agrees as he simply puts the automobile into reverse and- using his mad driving skills- backs the car into his own driveway across the street.

The athlete sprints inside, panic starting to rise in his gut. He just invited his fake boyfriend- technically boss- who has the worst case of OCD this side of the nut house, over to help him with his homework. He glances around his house, the place obviously being taken care of by two men. Dust was everywhere; used dishes climbed the sink and end tables; dirty clothes were littered artistically around the whole place. In his little meltdown, the young man can only think of one sentence to say.

"I'm doomed."


End file.
